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Toilet Teaching without Tears
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Toilet Teaching without Tears
This presentation will cover
- Signs that your child is ready to begin toilet learning.
- Times not to start toilet teaching.
- How to start toilet teaching.
- Common problems to avoid when toilet teaching.
- Tips for successful toilet teaching.
- When to seek help.
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Toilet Teaching without Tears
Toilet learning takes teamwork between the parent and child. Your child needs a lot of patience and support from the adults around her. Your child’s success can also give her confidence that will support achievement in other phases of her development.
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At what age should I start toilet training my child?
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If your child can understand and follow simple directions, in addition to having an interest in what it means to go to the bathroom, then your child is showing signs of toilet readiness. You and your child have a better chance of success if your child shows physical, behavioral, and intellectual signs of toilet readiness. Click to continue reading about the signs of toilet readiness.
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Actually...
Before the age of 12 months, children can’t control their bladder or bowel movements. If you begin toilet training before your child shows some of the signs of toilet learning readiness, the process will take longer. Look for signs of independence from your child, such as taking pride in his actions.
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Signs That Your Child Is Ready to Begin Toilet Learning
Between 18 and 30 months, your child will begin to show the following physical, emotional, and intellectual signs of toilet learning readiness:
- Stays dry for at least 2 hours at a time during the day, or stays dry during naps.
- Tells you or recognizes when he is urinating or having a
bowel movement. - Can pull down pants and underwear, undress, and dress himself.
- Can understand and follow simple directions like, “Put the book
on the shelf.”
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Signs That Your Child Is Ready to Begin Toilet Learning
Ask yourself if your child is motivated at some level to use the potty.
- Does your child show an interest in using the potty, want to be a “big kid,” or pretend to use the potty?
- Watch for your child’s non-verbal signals like pulling at her pants, grunting, squatting down, pacing, or pushing, and explain to your child what these signals mean.
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My child shows signs of toilet readiness, but won’t use the potty. I should...
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If the signs of toilet readiness are present, but your child shows no interest in the potty, then chances are your child is not ready yet. Stay relaxed and in the meantime, you can read some books about the potty to your child or take your child into the bathroom when you use the toilet. Show excitement about the new skill that your child
will learn. -
Actually...
If your child is not ready or willing to learn how to use the potty, then there is no benefit in pressuring your child. Continue to change your child’s diapers when they are wetor soiled. In the meantime, you can read books about thepotty to your child or take your child into the bathroom when you use the toilet. Show excitement about the new skill that your child will learn. In time your child will show interest in toilet training.
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How to Start Toilet Teaching
Toilet teaching takes teamwork and cooperation between you and your child. To begin, you will need to create a supportive environment.
Once your child begins showing the signs of toilet learning readiness, start talking to her about using the potty.
Teach your child the words for body parts, urine, and bowel movements. You can teach your child words like pee, poop, dry, wet, clean, messy, and potty.
Read books together about using the potty.
- Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel
- A Potty for Me! by Karen Katz
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How to Start Toilet Teaching
Offering your child the tools she needs for toilet training will encourage toilet teaching without tears. Toilet teaching requires preparation, learning, and reinforcement.
Preparation
Encourage your child to sit on the potty often. Some children are more comfortable on a small potty chair where their feet can touch the floor.
If your child is using a potty chair, place the potty chair in a place where your child has an easy time walking to it.
Remind your child that the potty chair is specifically
for her. You might allow your child to place stickers
on the potty chair. -
How to Start Toilet Teaching
Learning
Have your child practice sitting on the potty with his clothes on and explain that urine and stool belong in the potty.
Have your child practice sitting without clothes on so that your child learns to remove his clothes before going to the potty.
If your child has a bowel movement in the diaper, have your child watch as you dump the stool into the potty.
Teach your child good bathroom habits such as how to wipe and flush.
- Some children like to flush while others are afraid of the water and noise. Be sensitive to your child’s reaction and comfort level.
As your child learns his body’s signals for when to use
the potty, start using training pants and continue
encouraging him to use the potty. -
How to Start Toilet Teaching
Reinforcement
Regularly remind your child of the purpose of using
the potty.Encourage your child to tell you when he is wet. Say, “I’m glad you told me. Let’s try to put it in the toilet next time.”
Make the connection of having dry pants and using the potty. Say, “If you go pee-pee in the potty, your pants will stay nice and dry.”
Praise your child for telling you she is wet or had a bowel movement and for her effort to use the potty.
Show your child how to wash her hands after sitting
on the potty chair. -
Your friend’s child is the same age as your child, but you notice that your child is having difficulty with potty training. What do you do?
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Each child develops at his own pace; don’t compare your child to other children. As you potty train your child, remain positive and consistent. If you don’t see progress with your child, you may need to take a break and return to potty training at a later time.
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Actually...
Each child develops at his own pace. Your child may not be ready for potty training. So, before rushing toilet training or contacting your pediatrician, you may need to take a break and try again in a few weeks or months. Remember to go at your child’s pace.
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Times Not to Start Toilet Teaching
Toilet teaching may be too stressful for your child when there are major changes happening in the family. The following are not good times to start toilet teaching:
- The family is expecting the birth of another child.
- The family is moving or traveling.
- Starting or changing child care arrangements.
- Switching from the crib to a bed.
- Other major family crises such as a major illness/injury, death, or prolonged separations.
If it is not the right time, then it is best to wait until things
have calmed down and then restart toilet teaching. -
Common Problems to Avoid
Avoid using punishment around toilet learning. Children may become anxious or feel badly when they have accidents.
Don’t rush toilet learning. Children develop at their own pace.
Never criticize your child for potty accidents.
Avoid power struggles around using the potty. Be patient and let your child decide to use the potty at his own speed.
Never leave your child in wet or soiled diapers as a way to “teach” him to use the potty.
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Toilet Teaching without Tears
Maintain a casual attitude around accidents. You can say, “Oh, I see your pants are wet. Let’s go get some dry ones.”
Remember to go at your child’s pace. Also, remember a child with physical, intellectual, or developmental disabilities can take longer to learn how to use the toilet.
Expect accidents and handle them calmly, without anger.
Offer your child books to read while in the bathroom.
Stay with your child while she uses the potty.
If toilet teaching doesn’t work, take a break and
try again in a few weeks or months.
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When to Seek Help
Let your child’s preschool teacher, day care provider, grandparents, or babysitter know that your child is being potty trained and ask for their support.
If your preschooler is still not interested in potty learning,
a checkup with your pediatrician is a good idea. Occasionally, a physical issue can make potty learning harder for
some children.A child development specialist can also offer techniques and custom-made strategies for your individual child and family that might be more successful.
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Toilet learning is a big accomplishment for your child, but it takes time and patience. Wait until your child is ready and know that there will be many accidents along the way.
Reading books on toilet learning with your child can be fun and helpful. Here are more suggested books:
- Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi
- The Potty Book (for boys or girls)
by Alyssa Satin Capucilli and Dorothy Stott
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We hope this information has been helpful to you!
Our Toilet Teaching without Tears brochure and podcast has more information on how to teach your child to use the potty. To download or print the brochure, click here. To listen to the podcast, click here.
To view another presentation, or explore more resources on parenting or early learning and education, click here.